Tuesdays with Morrie
I recently listened to the audio book Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, and it was fantastic. Highly recommend. Quick read, touching, recentres you. So I wanted to talk about it a bit.
The story goes that a college student (the author) was very close to his professor, Morrie Schwartz. After school, the student pursued a successful career in sports journalism. But at age 37, although achieving top levels of professional and material success, he felt unfulfilled and empty. Always running, always working. Sixteen years later, watching TV, he saw this old professor giving an interview in his final months having been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS). He went to visit him. Those visits turned into weekly visits. Their rekindled relationship turned into one final “class”: lessons in how to live.
Morrie had hundreds of his students and friends visit him in his final days. Crowd his living room. Morrie made people feel seen, recognized, not ignored - we want to feel we matter. TV talkshow hosts crammed into his living room.
Morrie was famous for his dancing, alone eyes closed, on the dance floor having the best time
People not only visited Morrie because he gave advice, but also because he listened to them the way they always wanted to be listened to. In his final days, it’s what he had to give. And giving is what makes you feel alive.
On Materialism
At the end of your days, it didn’t matter how much wealth you amassed, Morrie said. When Morrie used to work at a psychiatric ward, many of the patients had wealthy families - this did not buy them health and happiness. Nor many visitors.
You can’t take it with you. We are brainwashed to consume, to buy, to own things. More is good, more is good, until we don’t bother to think otherwise. You cannot substitute things for love, camaraderie, companionship. Power is not a substitute for tenderness.
For sure - money can give you freedom and help you buy happiness and health (hello, I’m in finance) but it cannot give you the feeling you’re looking for.
You get satisfaction from what you have to give - your time, concern, storytelling, compassion. You gain respect by offering something you have. The book said: you play cards with a lonely old man at a retirement home, and you find respect for yourself. Giving makes you feel like living.
Devote yourself to helping others, to your community around you, to creating something that has purpose and meaning. I want to be someone that makes people feel seen and recognized, bring people together. Help them to see the best in themselves. See the beauty of the world around them.
On Conforming
Don’t show off for people at the top, they will look down on you. Don’t show off for people below you, they will only envy you. False status will not get you anywhere. Only an open heart will let you float equally among everyone.
“Don’t show off for people at the top, they will look down on you. Don’t show off for people below you, they will only envy you.”
Build your own subculture. But, don’t disregard the rules of society - just have enough courage to change your subculture and how you react. Don’t believe everything your culture says. Every society has its problems - maybe another one will better for you, running away to a new one may have have greener grass.
On Aging
Aging is growth. You understand that one day, you will die, and you live a better life because of it. Those who say, “oh, to be young” may be live unfulfilling lives now. If you’re always battling against getting older, it will happen anyways. (Unless you’re Bryan Johnson?? Sorry, Zero…)
We put our values in the wrong things, and that leads us to live disillusioned lives.
At the end of your days, friends will be there to drop in, but they have their own lives too. The family you (may) have and build, are the ones that will stand by you.
On Emotions
You need to allow yourself to feel the emotions fully. Allow the experience to pass through you fully. If you never let your emotions through you, you can never detach. You’re afraid of the pain, of the grief, of vulnerability love entails. By allowing yourself to dive into these emotions, by going in over your head, you experience them fully and completely.
You know what pain is, grief is, love is. Then when you know and recognize that emotion, then you can detach from it. Your loneliness comes up - you can see it, turn on the faucet, let it wash over you, then let it go. Put it aside. Fear? Let it come, feel it, then detach.
Envy comes to you, feel it and let it go. While it is impossible for the old to not envy the young, you have to accept what is true and good in your life. Age is not a competition: “How can I be envious of where you are, when I’ve been there myself?”
Some reviews said, barf, this book is Hallmark crap!, but I enjoyed it a lot. You know I love my cheesy feel-good life lessons. Especially in your busy 20s when you’re hustling after the next best thing and laying the groundwork, it’s a reminder not to get caught up in shiny things. Keep in mind and heart what truly matters.